Toxic relationships & my biggest lesson
One of the most devastating but enlightening experiences of my life was my first ‘real love’, and heartbreak.
More so, the realisation I had from the experiences I went through during that relationship.
When I’d finally built up the courage to leave that toxic relationship I realised this...
I had based my sense of self on someone else; I didn’t know who I was.
The awareness of this was the first step. From here I made a commitment to ‘discover’ who I was.
I had to dig deep and move through the darkness.
The truth was, I struggled for a while…
Those first few nights ‘alone’ were some of the darkest times. It didn’t matter how busy I kept myself, I couldn’t escape the night time, where I was completely alone with myself, my thoughts and emotions.
I cried, I screamed and I got angry.
I allowed self destructive thoughts to get the best of me at times; throwing me into a whirlpool of emotions and crippling anxiety. Moments where I’d worked myself up so much that I couldn’t breath and thought I could no longer do ‘this thing called life’ anymore.
By daylight, I would brush myself off and work hard in my jobs; funnily enough, I was in mental health and hospitality at the time. Little did I know how much these roles would help me in the near future. I had everything at my disposable; doctors, psychologists, wholefood chefs, friends, gym and my puppies.
But that wasn’t enough…
After six months, I felt something was missing… I needed to get back to the beach.
So I did. I moved to a beautiful beachy town, just over an hour south of Byron Bay where I knew I could start again… where I could begin my life, fall back in love with the things I had once loved and build a relationship with the person that mattered the most… myself.